Santa Dear

Dear Santa, 

Yes, my Christmas wish list is starting to fill out. Yes, I've been good enough to get everything on it. But, seriously, this letter isn't about me, it's about you. Why waste your time with the Barney crowd? Why ask naughty or nice? With preschoolers, you know the answer is both. And no matter how many times tykes promise to be good, within 48 hours they will revert to crayoning walls, biting the cat and peeing in carseats. All those gifts elves are assembling, while it keeps the pointy hat and shoe crowd employed, the Barney bunch wants cardboard boxes as forts, palaces and boats. That's the discouraging part. The good news: Teenagers need you, or at least their parents do. Ask teens the naughty or nice question. Immediately, they say nice. Then the fun starts. As the "sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake" guy, you can nail them on TP'ing lawns, "reserving" really cute shirts on clearance by hiding them under store mattress displays, and leaving the car gas tank lower than empty. Those charming teens will stick to their nice stance, but longterm they may think harder before sneaking into "R" rated movies. Would you want Santa watching you watch the naughty screen? No, it won't keep them out of "R" movies, especially if they are 17, but it might make those movies less fun. But, back to you nailing them on naughty or nice. After the eye-rolling over whatever lecture you choose to give, teens will present their wish list. It's going to be long, expensive and require batteries, chargers, gasoline and hair straightening gizmos elves have never seen. But you can handle it. I heard you have A Team elves, while Keebler got the B Team. Or maybe that's Outsourced. I'm rambling. But think about it. Do right by the teens and grateful parents will gladly fill your stocking, sneak Jack Daniels into your Christmas Eve egg nog and give you first dibs on the really big boxes.