If You're Going To Wrap Gifts With The Big Guy...

don't expect to find the tape. If you find the tape, chances are the scissors will be missing. Once the scissors are found, Big Guy will wander into the kitchen to search for his glass of iced tea. Once the iced tea is found--in the den--don't expect Big Guy to remember which present is in the box he almost finished wrapping. Scrounge a second roll of tape, but don't expect that one to stay found long enough to pen a gift tag. What pen? Check under Big Guy's feet. Chances are, you'll find the first roll of tape, but not the pen. Search the crevices of the couch. Lucky or not, you'll find pennies, Dorito crumbs and a high school attendance slip from last year. Chances are, you won't find the pen. Send Big Guy to the grocery store. Pry loose the end of the tape, find another pair of scissors and another working pen. Wrap gifts as quickly as possible. Thank Big Guy when he returns. Save another thank you for Mrs. Claus, who wraps up Christmas while Santa searches for misplaced tape and thumbs through the channels.