Emily or Chantel?

Birdie and I are slumming it as Big Guy is in Brazil, or perhaps Argentina. So while Birdie remembers to go to school and I remember to take out the trash, that's about it for responsibility. We have Emily and Chantal to worry about. Only one will capture Brad's heart, and an engagement ring, as ABC's The Bachelor prepares to wrap up its season during February sweeps month. Last Monday, Brad gave the heave-ho to our favorite Shantelle. The two of them were touring Shantelle's family funeral business. Suddenly Brad lay spread nervously on the embalming table while Shantelle waved a razor overhead. Formaldehyde, love, sharp razors and coffins make better t.v. than soulmates. With spooky girl gone, tonight Birdie switched her allegiance to Ashley. Now Ashley the dentist is gone. Brad probably envisioned himself lying helplessly in a dental chair while Ashley waved a drill overhead. Or, perhaps, he didn't want to floss. Now two lightweights are left: Emily, a widow with a young child, and rich girl Chantal. I'm pulling for Chantal. If Chantal wins, Emily won't have to explain to her daughter how she won new daddy by beating out a bunch of other Barbies in front of millions of viewers. Tthat reminds me of my other daughter Daisy. She called. I gave her the 20-second, "I'm in the middle of something important" brush-off. I didn't have a choice as Brad was preparing to dump Ashley. I felt a tiny twinge of guilt at putting The Bachelor first. I even suggested to Birdie that The Bachelor wasn't a healthy, good values show. She assured me that she recognizes that the show is ridiculous. I backed away from suggesting that she should do homework, at least during the commercials. I feared Birdie would call the show what it truly is--"a doughnut." And no way is she giving up her doughnut if I won't give up mine. And we have other things to consider, like Emily and Chantal.