Every family has a crazy. We have Luzianne. A recent mass email from Luzianne asked that we jump onboard a scheme to flood the American Civil Liberties Union's New York office with Christmas cards. That way, the ACLU would know to keep its paws off Christmas and also waste its precious staff time opening cards in hopes that donations were hidden inside. My guess, souls like Luzianne are the fuel that keeps the ACLU going. Under the U.S. Constitution, individuals can pretty much say what they want as long as it's not yelling fire in a crowded place. So Luzianne and anyone else can send out bizarre emails plotting to clog up the inner workings of the ACLU. It's their right, although it seems a bit bitter to use Christmas cards that way. And that got me to thinking, assuming Jesus checked his email, what would Jesus do with Luzianne's request? Being a helpful guy, he would want to help. First, he would cruise to Wal-Mart to scan the greeting card section. Along the way, he might get distracted by leftover Halloween candy and slightly dinged Sarah Palin masks. But soon, Jesus would be back on track. He'd look at the 99-cent cards and the ones that play music. In the end, I think he would settle on a simple, moderately priced Christmas card and purchase two of them. Inside the one to be addressed to Luzianne, he'd write, "Thank you for caring, but chill. Christianity and Christmas have survived a long time, with and without holiday trees, presents and tacky lawn ornaments." On the one earmarked for the ACLU, Jesus would write, "Thank you for caring about those who are especially hard to love. It's hard, but your help makes my job easier." My guess is that Jesus might even scrape up a few dollars to tuck inside a card. I just can't decide which one.
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