Twin

I first saw Twin a year ago and believed he was mine. The grey-striped tabby looked so much like my cat Cracker that I thought I knew him, right up until the moment he ran. That's when I discovered my feral squatter. Twin sat on my back porch step. He lurked in my yellow bells. While not mine to touch, he became mine to feed. And with that connection established, I tried to trap Twin to provide basic veterinary care. I bought a cheap cat trap, but it proved too flimsy to keep anything trapped. So I bought a better cat trap and caught my own cats, several times; angry raccoons, both large and small; and one dim-witted opossum. But Twin evaded me. He ate cat food near my feet, played with string and bathed under the bushes. But he wouldn't enter a baited trap. It became a game. I settled into a lawn chair, read a book and talked to Twin while he nibbled catfood and sniffed at the sardines, chicken or dog food in the trap. Eventually, he would wander away. I would close up the trap--to keep everyone else out of it and we both knew we'd be back, same time, same place tomorrow. Yesterday, that changed. Twin took the bait. This morning, I hauled him to the vet and discovered he has FIV, feline immunodeficiency virus, an incurable, contagious condition. I agreed to euthanize Twin. This morning, Twin knew I wasn't his friend. Tonight I know I wasn't his savior. In his little piece of heaven, I hope Twin knows I love him. And I hope he forgives me.