You, Too, Can Do It

I'm highly susceptible to suggestion, which is why I stay away from Floridians with land to sell. I've heard Florida real estate bargains are code for "own a piece of the swamp." The last thing I need is to move closer to establishing a habitat for wayward iguanas. While working at the used book shop in St. Louis limits my availability to explore Florida land deals, it's not a safe environment. I expected to stumble across books I want to read like The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest and The Pact. I didn't anticipate encountering highly suggestible treasures like The Basket Book. I flipped through it during an itsy, bitsy break expecting to find photos of pretty, handcrafted baskets. Turns out this treasure, first published in 1988 and available for about $6, contains instructions for making baskets. As my itsy, bitsy break melded into a 10-minute work stoppage, I agonized between weaving a "decorative, but useful" Melon Slice Wall Basket or a "service" Potato Basket. Then I remembered, I don't weave. I resumed shelving only to stumble onto Flower Drying With A Microwave. That one nearly had me plucking flowers from in front of the shop two doors down. Then, I remembered, my microwave isn't clean enough to fry flowers. For the record, Flower Drying With A Microwave doesn't describe its technique as frying, but that is what would happen in my kitchen. For $2, someone else will channel Martha Stewart, learn the flower secrets and redecorate the world. Encounters of the suggestive kind always come in threes, so I wasn't surprised when a slim, $1.50 project book leapt out at me: Cartoon Animals. The very first page states, "If you can draw a circle and a straight line--and if you can unleash your imagination...there's no limit to what you can create with animals...and it's fun!" So, yeah, I'm going to be an artist. I will use the proceeds from my work to buy land in Florida for iguanas gone bad. Then I will teach iguanas to weave baskets while I dry flowers in the microwave.