Certified: Obama Was Born

Double Certified: "Birthers" are nuts.
This morning, President Barack Obama released his birth certificate to the public. It shows that he was born in Hawaii on Aug. 4, 1961, at 7:24 p.m. Honolulu's Kapiolani Maternity and Gynecological Hospital hosted the event. Both mom and delivery doctor signed the certificate. While the "birthers" are probably disappointed, this doesn't have to end the journey to discredit Obama's right to be president. With his birthplace firmly established as Hawaii, "birthers" can challenge Hawaii's status as a state. After all, it's an island, a bunch of islands, surely that's a loophole on the path to statehood. For "birthers," the prize gets better: If Hawaii is not a state, not only is Obama's citizenship more suspect, but four known Democratics get booted--two U.S. senators and two members of the House of Representatives. Once Hawaii is given the heave-ho, it's on to Kansas, the birthplace of Obama's mother. "Birthers" won't need to carve Kansas out of the U.S. The state is so Republican that it challenges the whole notion of evolutionary progress. Given a little nut-driven nudge, Kansas may simply revoke Ann Dunham Stanley Obama's birth certificate; after all, she gave birth to a Democrat.